A Bloke's Guide to Caravanning is for every man who's ever thought,

"Hotels are too easy - I'd rather spend a small fortune to shit in a plastic box in a gale."

Congratulations, you absolute weapon. You've reached that glorious stage of life where your knees click like castanets, your doctor sighs before he speaks, and your other half has started sentences with "We never do anything..." long enough that you've finally snapped and bought a caravan.

Not a sensible holiday. Not a cheap getaway. A rolling, diesel-fuelled midlife crisis on wheels.

This is the brutally honest, gloriously foul-mouthed manual to the Great British caravanning delusion: spending forty-odd grand to live like a tramp, with admin. From the moment you waddle into the dealership smelling of fear and overdraft, to the day you stand in a Welsh field in sideways rain wondering where it all went wrong, Owen Croft is there to hold your hand and take the piss.

Inside, you'll discover:

* How to pick a tow car so crushingly dull it makes death look exciting * The dark art of reversing while half the campsite offers "helpful" hand signals * The sacred rituals of the chemical toilet - and how not to turn yourself into a human sewage sprinkler * Why every site has a Derek on Pitch 14, and why he's always better at this than you * The truth about "freedom of the open road" (spoiler: 49 mph and everyone hates you) * The end-of-season moment where you seriously consider setting fire to the bastard

Packed with horror stories, swear words, and painfully accurate truths, **A Bloke's Guide to Caravanning** is part confession, part survival guide, and part warning label you'll ignore anyway.

You'll laugh. You'll wince. You'll recognise yourself. And you'll still book Pitch 13 again next year.

Because you're a caravanner now. And there's no cure for that.