Crisis on a BiscuitHow Britain Went from Empire to Empire State of Total Bastard CollapseBy Big Bastard Bob (Owen Croft) ? a six-foot-four Barnsley bastard who's proper had enough
This isn't a book. It's a full-blown Yorkshire heart attack on paper.
Big Bastard Bob (ex-pit, ex-foundry, ex-give-a-shit) has watched this country go from ruling half the bloody map to not being able to empty the bins without a six-week consultation and a diversity officer. He's paid taxes since Wilson were in nappies, fought for Queen and country, and now gets a pension that buys him 47 tins of beans and a packet of Rich Tea if he shops clever.
In these pages you'll get no graphs, no "on the one hand" bollocks, and definitely no hope. What you will get is the unvarnished, brass-necked, John-Smith's-fuelled truth about:
- Politicians who couldn't run a bath never mind a country
- An NHS where the waiting list has its own waiting list
- Potholes so big they've got their own postcodes
- Energy bills that make you nostalgic for the three-day week
- Farmers taxed till the cows come home (and then taxed again for the cows)
- Free speech that's only free if you whisper it in the dark
- Benefits that pay more to sit on your arse than Bob ever earned breaking his back down t'pit
- And a government so detached they think "levelling up" means buying a spirit level from Screwfix
Fourteen months of Starmer, twenty years of Tory clowns, forty years of promises, and we're still skint, sick, and sinking faster than the pound after Truss opened her gob.
This is the rant you'd hear in every working men's club from Barnsley to Berwick if the country still had any working men's clubs left.
It's grim up north.It's bloody grim everywhere.And Big Bastard Bob is here to tell you exactly who's to blame, how they did it, and why nobody's coming to save us.
So grab a brew, crack open the biscuits (the cheap ones ? we're not made of money), and prepare to nod, swear, and despair in equal measure.
Because the Empire's gone, the industry's gone, the pride's gone, and all we've got left is a crisis... on a biscuit.
Let's be havin' you.Big Bastard Bob ? still standing. Just.
