Prepare for a no-holds-barred, viciously funny demolition of Plotinus, the third-century mystic who genuinely believed he could outsmart the universe with a toga, a smirk, and an ego the size of Alexandria. In Plotinus Shredded, we tear through his Neoplatonic fever dream. The One? A vague cosmic buzzword that explains nothing. Emanations? A divine PowerPoint presentation gone horribly wrong. The Nous? His intellectual VIP club for thoughts too snooty for reality. The Soul? His whiny excuse to hate fun. Matter? The poor physical world he treats like a cosmic landfill. And don't get us started on his contemplation obsession-navel-gazing dressed up as enlightenment. This book isn't your dusty philosophy professor's lecture; it's a rowdy, irreverent joyride that calls out Plotinus' metaphysical bullcrap while celebrating the tacos, sunsets, and vibrant chaos of the material world he despised. We mock his academic fanboys, skewer his influence on everything from medieval theology to crystal-obsessed Instagram influencers, and expose his recycled ideas for the Plato fanfic they are.