Jane Carcrashski is getting a divorce. Jane Carcrashski is looking for a new career. Jane Carcrashski is getting good at hiding her nervous breakdown. But one thing Jane Carcrashski is not doing is cutting the grass. You see, her estranged husband says he'll do it, and she's making sure he keeps his word. Unfortunately, he's real busy, so he hasn't had time to do it, but he says he'll be over tonight. If not tonight, then the next day. OK, maybe this weekend. Well,
something came up, so next weekend?
In the meantime, the grass is growing, and we're past No Mow May into Angry Neighbors And Government Code Violations June, and Jane is thrust into an armed standoff with local government goons fueled by a group of misfits drawn to her growing grass including a property rights extremist who maybe only loves his rights slightly more than his guns, a native plants enthusiast who feels guilty about finding dandelion sandwiches so damn delicious, a yard artist
who thinks Jane's yard just needs a few more inflatable flamingos and it would look better, and a digital druid who dislikes clothing and insists on live streaming his intense naked conversations with the plants in Jane's yard.
Remember the Alamo? Remember Waco? Remember Attica? Remember how the Harpers Ferry raid ended?--Also, remember when Harper's Ferry used to have an apostrophe? OK, enough digression, let's get back to the main point--Remember when Philadelphia dropped a bomb on a bunch of militant vegetarians?
No? Well, none of those had happy endings. Jane's still hoping for one here, but that's only probably because she's drunk. If you like novels such as The Monkey Wrench Gang, then you're probably on a government watchlist, but you'll also likely enjoy reading The Front Yard War!
